When all the world is sleeping
I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. Mind you, I can sleep until noon if given the chance. It’s very difficult to explain how you can be both an insomniac and the kind of person who dreams of bed, and when in bed dreaming, dreams of the next time she can be in back in that bed. Get yer mind out of the gutter. This isn’t one of those posts. I just love soft warm horizontal surfaces with fluffy pillows and big weighty blankets…starting to drool, moving on.
I don’t know why I can’t sleep. Well, actually I sort of do, but it’s complicated. I once heard it described as “the spiral”…I go into my spiral of thinking, and thinking, and one thought leads to the next, possibly in a haphazard way, and then it’s 4:45 am and I’m thinking about everything I have ever had to get done IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
It goes something like this: I have GOT to call my grandmothers…I’m terrible at keeping in touch…I wonder if my dad is even in the province? or country? should look into that…I need new stamps…I NEED stamps, and I haven’t gotten them, and by the time I do they will be OLD STAMPS and I’ll need new ones…why am I thinking about stamps? Why am I thinking about what I’m thinking?…Do you think other people think about what they think? and while they are thinking it are they thinking new thoughts too?…If I’m not going to sleep I should think useful things…
That’s the beginning of The Spiral. It’s followed by worry about all the things needing to be done, important things, like buying stamps, and then it all mashes together and everything ends in disaster.
I hate that part. I want everything perfect, orderly, colour-coordinated. But I can’t handle that, there is just so much. I want it all done at once. If I begin and the end doesn’t seem to be in sight, I run. To put is simply, I procrastinate. Ahh…my favorite enemy. And then there is more to get done, and I add that to the ever growing list of daunting inevitabilities.
And voila, you are in The Spiral. and it’s now 6 am, and you have to drag your boggled bum out of bed, and deal with The Spiral. And dealing with The Spiral is the biggest task of The Spiral.
Bit of a catch-22 really.
Now, I’m a bit tired…maybe I should go to bed?
You know I meant to finish that story in grade 5 about where all the words went when the library books were found blank. I really did. But I just had so much to do!
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